Stages of You and Me (re-worked)

Stages of You and Me 2

Stage 1: The Fall

There's a reason they call it a fall
not a walk
not a crawl
its a full force
head on
lunge into the great abyss
scarier still
b/c you weren't expecting it
it's a trip
has u spinning around
wondering what you missed
how you missed
the entrance into this place of bliss
time moving at such a speed
you can't pinpoint it
your head beckons the question
what is this
your heart knowing
its never felt like this
but intuitively it knows
it can never feel like this
without this one person's presence
because in truth
every love is different
that's why you can fall
w/o even recognizing your doing it



Stage 2: Memories

I’m collecting these memories
And pressing them into the book that is me
Like they’re the leaves falling from the tree
Outside my window
Marking time passing too fast
I fiercely need to preserve them
Make them last
So that I can pull them out
Hold on to their fragile existence
When present becomes past
Pressing every kiss
Sweet reminder of summer days
Between the lines
Of every song ever played
Smoothing every laugh we ever shared
Between pages of sacred secrets
Whispered into
never ending nights
And soul-searching looks exchanged in daylight
As I know leaves must fall and wither away
As autumn becomes winter
I know there will come a day
When what we have will do the same

And like the leaves
I press between sheets
All I will have are these memories
Pressed into the book that is me

Stage 3: Break Up

All this unnecessary drama
Is killing my high
And seriously making me
Regret this night
Want to forget those days
When we would lay
Together
And I could easily fall asleep
To the feel of your heart beat

I started to fall
On the wings of the butterflies
Fluttering inside me
I started to anticipate
The sensation of my raw nerve endings
Receiving the messages you were sending
Through the warmth of the smile always gracing your face

I was willing to put everything at stake
Believe in the impossibility of fate
Because of the quakes you would create
When my hand you would take
And my body you would hug
Your eyes spoke of things like lust
Your words of things like only
Especially
Uniquely

It was in the way you could see me
Or at least I thought you could
But you say that’s things were just
Misunderstood

Okay
I’ll admit I misunderstood
If you admit that you mislead
Maybe this friendship would still be intact
If nothing had been said
But I promise you
I won’t misunderstand again

Stage 4: Friends Again/Jealousy

I hate the way
you made me a cliché
And not even a good one
there is no love triangle here
just a third wheel
left w/tears that she doesn't deserve to shed
a boy who chose the girl who could love him freely instead
of the one who had problems she wouldn't let him deal w/

I hate the way
things are
I break your heart
So you rip mine apart
sweetly
With smile
/And "friendship"
and "hey BUDDY"
and I-Don't-Wanna-Let-You-Go hugs
When once upon a time
I had all that
and your love

I hate the way
you can kiss her in front of me
And tell me how great she is
How the two of you are meant to be
acting like your already married

I hate the way
she's so nice to me
How can I hate someone
who's that nice to me
How can I hate someone
who makes you so happy

I hate the way
you don't think about me
you can't pick up a phone to call me
let me know that you even remember me
How stupid you pretend to be
Like what we had means nothing
You act like you can take me or leave me

But most of all
I hate the way
I feel about you
Like I can't live my life w/o you
I can't go a day w/o thinking
of you
can't shed a tear that doesn't remind me of you
and all the other tearrs I've cried over you

Stage 5: Regret
Lover Boy
Why'd you have to love her boy
I thought you loved me boy
But I guess I was just a toy
I was just a hobby
a distraction
something exciting
like a new attraction

But she is that childhood blanket
that old comfort
waiting for you in times of distress
no matter how long your neglect
you and she both know
you will always come back

lover boy
oh lover boy
i thought you could love me boy
but
you will always love her boy
And I refuse to be a toy

Stage 6: Missing You

But I miss the days we stayed up late talking on the phone
those nights where you {showed} me I wasnt alone
that i wasn't the {only} one {alive}
the only one {living} for those times
Your voice lived in me
you shared my {sunrise}

Maybe that's why I can't sleep thru the night
I'm waiting for your voice to come thru the line
Waiting for the past to come alive
Conversations play in my mind
All the words between the line
And there's no way I can describe
describe what I'm feeling inside

But its like
Not being able to run thru the rain
its like living without ever feeling pain
its like dying without knowing I was alive
Its like not knowing how to cry
And you would think i would be able to survive
But you've shown me beauty
w/o pride

Stage 6: Facing You

Tying up loose ends
seeing your face again
reminds me of who I used to be
That's right used to be
The way I used to see

seeing your face again makes me smile
because I don't feel what I thought I'd feel
realize I haven't felt it for a while
The heart racing
or the ground shaking
or the world rocking
feelings that used to shock me
b/c of hard i felt
how hard i fell
how unwell
lovesick unable to tell
unable to breathe
when you weren't feelin me

I thought I wouldn't be able to speak
memories to deep
overwhelming me
Like the sea
that i fear
I thought when you came near
your soul would trap mine
like I'd never left you behind

But it didn't
And I have
And much of me feels sad
with you at least I was feeling at all
With you at least I was able to fall
Maybe not into love
But into emotion so deep
It kept me from sleep
thoughts of you being my dream

But not every dream
is suppose to come true
Now I'm facing you.
The toughest
and the easiest thing
I have ever had to do
is to look into your eyes
And say I no longer want
or need you

Stage 7: Finding Me

And I just had this thought
That our plans for life are worlds apart
And that you wanted something i could never, ever give you
My heart

My heart belongs to pain
to dying children
crying in the rain
beggin to God
for Mercy
And the same
things given to those
Flying over them in G5 planes

And my heart belongs to tears
achingly cried by women to bring relief
to push through grief
to clean the blood of the streets
Save another mother from what they feel
knowing the persistent stabbing in their chest is real
the bullets flying from steel
to the hearts of their children
standing in the battlefield

And my heart belongs to the anger
of those stuck in a seemingly unbreakable cycle
created and controlled by strangers
knowing their lives are in danger
but not knowing how to stop it
or fix it
just knowing what their missing
because its pushed in their faces
and pulled away
like showing a starving baby food
then taking it and walking away

So you see my heart cannot
belong to you
because when all these people are through
there will be nothing left to give
this life i choose to live
is not mine
I'm aware of my short time
and im not looking to be someone's dime
or their soul mate
or somebody's fate
I'm not tryna be someone's wife
I'm just tryna spend my life
saving the world
And I can't do that
By being your girl
...sorry