Hello (Draft)

I am trying to figure out how to say hello

Greetings are important you know

And you make me contemplate just how to greet you

How do you say it in a way
that says I really want
to get to know you?

That says
I see the way you flow
and I'm tryna roll with you?

That says
I see your swagger
and i'm tryna match you

The way you move
makes me want to dig into you

figure you out
I'm tryna see
what you're all about

Who You Are (Untitled) (draft)

What Am I Doing?

You ever stop and just ask yourself that?

What am I doing?
What should I be doing?
Who am I?

I've always had a soft spot for
The misunderstood
The weak
and downtrodden

Little kids
the homeless
those hurting
kids not able to finish their homework

I want to save the world

But I don't want to kiss babies
and hug puppies to do it

I don't want to win a popularity contest

I don't want to lie
to get you on my side

This is not about money

And I am not what I must sound like

A love child

This will not be filled with flower power language because I want you to hear me

I am angry

Angry that we all can see so much suffering and not do a thing

Untitled (A Bus Ride Through The City) (draft)

I sat on a bus today
listening to someone like you
and watching a woman cry

It wasn't heavy tears
or dog-calling sobbing

just a dabbing
under the lid
a reddening of
the eye

And it was beautiful

Untitled (wishing for you/ I could fall in love) (Draft)

It's 1:11 and I just wished for you
Funny thing wishes are
and superstitions

I need to start again

It's 1:11 and I just
wished for you
Knowing you  are most likely
not going to come true

I don't even know who you are
Just that you're somewhere
out there
Lookin up at the same
stars as me

I mean you must be
I would never fall in love with
someone who would think this
time of night is for sleep

Untitled (Soul meetings)

Thoughts of you are like

warm blankets

summer rain

stormy nights after sunny days 

none of these similies are quite right

but words are not quite right 

when I attempt to describe you

How do you put feelings this 

I cannot put them into words 

And this is a first

I have no idea what to do with you

we met 4 weeks ago

and I ignored you 

like the elephant in the room

but that moth/flame cliche was made for us 

This is not love

although I can't say I know what that is either

But its not desperate 

clawing

future projecting

church bell ringing 

wedding finger thrilling

It is not that

but neither is it lust

mouth drooling

skin tingling 

mind emptying lust

Trust

soul thrusts

this is what this feels like

There is some connection 

that  just seems right

one I'm simultaneous trying to fight

and grow

I'm tryna get to know you 

on a shallow level

because your depths

my essence already knows

my soul recognizes

my heart empathizes

shaking its head 

as temptation rises

this time being temporary

but im already drawn in 

by the possibility of something greater than steady

I just hope you're ready

compilation (Parking/It's not You/Waiting)

Parking
I used to read stories of people going on these long drives in the country with their loved ones
Windows down
Wind blowing back their hair
Carrying the words of their random sporadic conversations
Enclosing them in a bubble of laughters and shared dreams

But we were from Big City Chicago
Where gas prices rise like skyscrapers
And There are no winding roads
unless you count the dangerous curves of lower Wacker
and you, my friend, had no taste for unnecessary danger
So instead of driving
We would just park
We would park your car in the lot on the hill overlooking
The train station
the field of steel carrying our colorful dreams and watch them speed away
We would imagine all the places they would take us
Together
One day

Some days it would rain
steady paradiddles on the hood of your own Grease Lightening
keeping time to the acoustic guitiar track softly playing through the speakers
We would
lean our seats all the way back and begin to whisper
voices hushed as if if anyone else heard us our almost silent prayers wouldn't be answered
I would
turn my head
sinking my nose into the leather that always seemed to carry a little bit of you
trying to absorb the very essence of that second and fold it away in my memory
smile as you tried to explain why you put a chord in a certain progression
and only truly hear you saying how happy you were in that moment
dreaming of how happy you would be

Every once in a while we would hear the whistle of the trains we were overlooking
lean up and wonder where it was going
and if one day it would be carrying us with it
Us
Together
One day

It's not you it's me

but maybe that's not what I want it to be
don't get me wrong
it's not you
it's me

I am so close to being free
so caught up in the heady scent of that freedom, that I cannot handle a "together"
I am not prepared
I see the signs and I am not ready to go there
I have the talent to create a beautiful love
But not the discipline
And I have too much pride
to let you in
I am not ready to give in
To be an "us"
a "we"
I still have so much figuring out of "me" to do
I never planned to luck upon finding you

so maybe it is not me
It's you

You are that poem that I always meant to write
my sudden inspiration too intrinsic, too complex, too deeply felt for me to express
You are that picture I always meant to take
the button my finger is hovering over to capture the moment i’m too busy living to press
You are the song that I always meant to sing
beautiful melody haunting my every thought so completely, just the thought of recreating it steals my breath away
You are the words that I always meant to release
wishing the problem was the lack of the right time or place but the only thing I can truly say is that I am not ready for the change that they bring

You possess within you the potential to be one of those life changing great loves
That everyone speaks so highly and fearfully of

It would be selfish of me
to ask you to wait
until I'm ready to build my courage up
to put myself in a position to fearlessly accept your love

Waiting for goodbye

I hate waiting and I suck at goodbyes
And yet somehow
it seems like
I'm always waiting to say good bye to you

Instead of us
Together
one day

It's only me
far away
and you
stuck in the same place
Us
connected by 3 random and sporadic 3 word text messages
"I miss you"
"Are you okay?"
and "it's been too long"

Face to face visits
confined to hour long dinners
any time that I come home
our time together is so rushed
at least not compared to how it used to be

I hate waiting and I suck at goodbyes
I can read it in your hazel eyes
You are patiently waiting to say goodbye to me

I hate saying those words to you

For most people
my life is a tunnel in theirs
They may stop and stare
at the beautiful street murals painted on the walls
try and make out the graffitti sprayed along the edges
but
for every entrance
there is an exit
and no beautiful painting can be deceptive
enough to hide the broken glass
and discarded bags of trash at their feet
so i've learned not to cling

Since you walked in
I've been waiting for you to leave

But you are still here
Even when we are physically apart
With every call
with every text
you wrap your prescence around me
like a blanket on a chilly morning
like laughter that brings you to tears
like the air in your car parked in the rain on a lazy saturday
you give me reason to come home year after year

You are always the first person I see
And I am still waiting for you to leave

Yet you are still here
And no longer are we
just parking cars above train stations
but spending hours over hot chocolate in the square
We are fighting over who gets which color nitendo 64 controller
And we are spontaneously seeing movies together, but only the matinees
because they are in the middle of the day
and they help me shut out the world
You say they help you forget about your troubles too

But I am still waiting to miss you
Randomly
Whenever we are vibing so strongly
That I cannot shake the connect I feel when looking into your hazel eyes
I am conscious of myself shelving up this memory
for the time after goodbye

Everytime I feel the leather of your car on my skin
I still find myself trying to take your essence stored there into myself
Take in enough to remember you by
And I am still waiting for you to say goodbye

You are always the last person I see
before I leave
You drive me to the station
I sit in that same leather seat
That holds your essence but must also, by this time, hold some of me
And we wait as the time for me to board draws near

We never have enough time

I hate waiting and I hate goodbyes
But I can read in your hazel eyes
As I grip the handle and the bag on my shoulder
That you are waiting for me to say

The words I hate saying to you
because I am waiting for you to say the same to me
In a way that means you've realized this friendship is unhealthy
That you are unhappy
That you're ready to walk through the tunnel
And find a place where you can be
You're tired of waiting to see what this could be,
Now it's your turn to leave
You've waited long enough to say goodbye to me
You've had enough of saying goodbye to me

It's Not You, It's Me... (a re-working of You Are)

it's not you
it's me

I am so close to being free
so caught up in the heady scent of that freedom, that I cannot handle a "together"
I am not prepared
I see the signs and I am not ready to go there
I have the talent to create a beautiful love
But not the discipline
And I have too much pride
to let you in
I am not ready to give in
To be an "us"
a "we"
I still have so much figuring out of "me" to do
I never planned to luck upon finding you

so maybe it is not me
It's you

You are that poem that I always meant to write
my sudden inspiration too intrinsic, too complex, too deeply felt for me to express
You are that picture I always meant to take
the button my finger is hovering over to capture the moment i’m too busy living to press
You are the song that I always meant to sing
beautiful melody haunting my every thought so completely, just the thought of recreating it steals my breath away
You are the words that I always meant to release
wishing the problem was the lack of the right time or place but the only thing I can truly say is that I am not ready for the change that they bring

You possess within you the potential to be one of those life changing great loves
That everyone speaks so highly and fearfully of

It would be selfish of me
to ask you to wait
until I'm ready to build my courage up
to put myself in a position to fearlessly accept your love