Waiting for Goodbyes (a companion poem to Parking)

I hate waiting and I suck at goodbyes
And yet somehow
it seems like
I'm always waiting to say good bye to you

Instead of us
Together
one day

It's only me
far away
and you
stuck in the same place
Us
connected by 3 random and sporadic 3 word text messages
"I miss you"
"Are you okay?"
and "it's been too long"

Face to face visits
confined to hour long dinners
any time that I come home
our time together is so rushed
at least not compared to how it used to be

I hate waiting and I suck at goodbyes
I can read it in your hazel eyes
You are patiently waiting to say goodbye to me

I hate saying those words to you



For most people
my life is a tunnel in theirs
They may stop and stare
at the beautiful street murals painted on the walls
try and make out the graffitti sprayed along the edges
but
for every entrance
there is an exit
and no beautiful painting can be deceptive
enough to hide the broken glass
and discarded bags of trash at their feet
so i've learned not to cling

Since you walked in
I've been waiting for you to leave

But you are still here
Even when we are physically apart
With every call
with every text
you wrap your prescence around me
like a blanket on a chilly morning
like laughter that brings you to tears
like the air in your car parked in the rain on a lazy saturday
you give me reason to come home year after year

You are always the first person I see
And I am still waiting for you to leave

Yet you are still here
And no longer are we
just parking cars above train stations
but spending hours over hot chocolate in the square
We are fighting over who gets which color nitendo 64 controller
And we are spontaneously seeing movies together, but only the matinees
because they are in the middle of the day
and they help me shut out the world
You say they help you forget about your troubles too

But I am still waiting to miss you
Randomly
Whenever we are vibing so strongly
That I cannot shake the connect I feel when looking into your hazel eyes
I am conscious of myself shelving up this memory
for the time after goodbye

Everytime I feel the leather of your car on my skin
I still find myself trying to take your essence stored there into myself
Take in enough to remember you by
And I am still waiting for you to say goodbye

You are always the last person I see
before I leave
You drive me to the station
I sit in that same leather seat
That holds your essence but must also, by this time, hold some of me
And we wait as the time for me to board draws near

We never have enough time

I hate waiting and I hate goodbyes
But I can read in your hazel eyes
As I grip the handle and the bag on my shoulder
That you are waiting for me to say

The words I hate saying to you
because I am waiting for you to say the same to me
In a way that means you've realized this friendship is unhealthy
That you are unhappy
That you're ready to walk through the tunnel
And find a place where you can be
You're tired of waiting to see what this could be,
Now it's your turn to leave
You've waited long enough to say goodbye to me
You've had enough of saying goodbye to me